Doomsday Beer Cheese Dip with Pretzel Bites

In the twilight of existence, when the world as we know it teeters on the edge, why not indulge in the simple pleasures of comfort food. This recipe combines the bold flavors of beer and cheese in a dip that pairs perfectly with soft, homemade pretzel bites. Let's savor these last moments with a culinary experience that warms both the heart and soul.

Ingredients:

For the Pretzel Bites:

• 1 packet (2 1/4 teaspoons) active dry yeast
• 1 1/2 cups warm water (around 110°F/43°C)
• 1 tablespoon granulated sugar
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/3 cup baking soda
• 1 large egg, beaten
• Coarse salt, for topping

For the Beer Cheese Dip:

• 1 tablespoon unsalted butter
• 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
• 3/4 cup beer (use the last of your stash of a hearty brew)
• 1 cup whole milk
• 2 1/2 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese
• 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• Salt and pepper to taste

Instructions:

1. Prepare the Pretzel Bites:

   • In a large mixing bowl, dissolve the yeast and sugar in warm water. Let it sit for about 5 minutes until frothy.
   • Add salt and flour to the yeast mixture, one cup at a time, mixing well after each addition until a dough forms.
   • Turn the dough onto a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth and elastic, about 5 minutes.
   • Divide the dough into smaller portions and roll each portion into a rope. Cut the rope into bite-sized pieces.
   • In a large pot, bring water to a boil and add the baking soda. Boil the pretzel bites in batches for about 20-30 seconds each, then remove with a slotted spoon and place on a parchment-lined baking sheet.
   • Brush the pretzel bites with beaten egg and sprinkle with coarse salt. Bake in your oven if you still have one, or over an open flame until golden brown, approximately 12-15 minutes.
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2. Prepare the Beer Cheese Dip:

   • In a saucepan over medium heat, melt the butter. Stir in the flour to create a roux and cook for about 1-2 minutes until lightly golden.
   • Gradually whisk in the beer and milk, allowing the mixture to thicken for about 3-4 minutes.
   • Reduce the heat to low and gradually stir in the shredded cheddar cheese until melted and smooth.
   • Stir in the Dijon mustard and garlic powder, and season with salt and pepper to taste.
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3. Serve and Reflect:

   • Arrange the freshly baked pretzel bites on a serving platter, or a hubcap, whatever's on hand really.
   • Place the warm, velvety beer cheese dip in a bowl alongside the pretzel bites, ready for dipping.
   • As you dip and devour, savor the rich, tangy flavors of the beer cheese dip and the satisfying chewiness of the pretzel bites. Let the bittersweet moments of the apocalypse mingle with the tastes of comfort and companionship.

As the sun sets on civilization, there's solace in the sharing of a meal that brings warmth and connection. Enjoy your Doomsday Beer Cheese Dip with Pretzel Bites, and may the flavors of this dish provide a sliver of respite amidst the chaos of the end times.